6. Good leaders arrive first (and eat last)

The power play of showing up last is superseded by the benefits of hosting and connection in being there first.

The logo for the coronation of King Charles III has just been revealed. Designed by Sir Jony ‘iPod’ Ive, the image is quite traditional, as these heritage events are wont to be. We can already picture the scene; Westminster Abbey packed with 2000 guests (not quite as packed as for the crowning of Queen Elizabeth II in 1953, where 8500 packed in using specially constructed grandstands), the pageantry, the foreign dignitaries, the politicians, the music, the choirs, all in position. And then, the crucial moment to get the show under way. A golden coach pulls up outside, the King steps out amidst much rejoicing, and we’re off.

The 2023 coronation logo by Sir Jony Ive (one ‘n’, no ‘s’ - quite the minimalist).

It looks from this as if the leader arrives last. The most important person should surely command the respect of everyone else by expecting them to show up first? Just like in traditional schools decades ago, where the teacher was the last into the room and everyone stood to attention. My wife Jenny remembers her Latin classes where the teacher entered and said “Salvete discipuli”  (greetings, pupils) and the class chorused back “Salve magistra” (greetings, teacher).  Leaders arrive last.

Power plays

Actually, they don’t. The behaviours described above are not leadership; they are acts of respect and obedience (from the group) and subjugation and power (from the top banana). It’s all about me, you can’t start without me, I am the most important person in the room and nothing happens without me. This kind of behaviour is associated with heroic leadership, a model which has been around since time immemorial and is not (I am afraid) going away anytime soon. But how productive is it?

It might make the leader feel important. But at what cost? Everyone else hanging around, gossiping, on their phones, wondering what’s going to happen and when things will get under way. That’s a poor use of resources. The worst kind of heroic leaders want to draw power to themselves, are reluctant to share it and maintain their status by surrounding themselves with hand-picked supporters who will do what they’re told. It all goes well until the cards topple, support vanishes and finally the leader is outlasted by a lettuce, as happened to a very recent Prime Minister of the UK.

Sharing power

I have been exploring an alternative to heroic models of leadership with Host Leadership, leading and acting as a host (not a hero). Hosts treat others as their guests, work with the soft power of invitation, create great spaces for co-working, welcome people into those spaces and help them connect. The host is still a leader, but they lead by making sure people are welcome, have what they need, and are encouraged to work collaboratively towards shared goals and directions. It’s the same thinking as inviting people to a party, getting a great mix of people working together and not interfering unless you really have to.

Host: Six new rules roles of engagement for teams, organisations, communities and movements by Mark McKergow and Helen Bailey

The issue of when to arrive is one area where the two models are starkly different. Heroes arrive last. Hosts arrive first. Can you imagine inviting people for dinner and then being the last to arrive? No, of course not. There are all kinds of reasons for arriving first. Making sure the space is prepared and ready. Making sure everything you need is to hand. Being there to welcome people over the threshold and into your space. Helping people feel welcome as they arrive. Answering questions and clarifying what’s going to happen. These are all vital parts of getting things off to a great start.

Getting people interacting early is a fine way to lead

I was hosting (and leading) an online event last week, the third Bushe Marshak Institute authors’ salon. Gervase Bushe and Bob Marshak are leading lights in the world of ‘dialogic organisational development’ where dialogue is seen as a route to new ideas, generative change and unexpectedly useful futures for organisations. They literally wrote the book about it and have been bringing together practitioners from different schools (there are over 40 methodologies) to write a series of short, powerful and practical books including my Hosting Generative Change book.

A ‘salon’ is an interesting and underused format for a gathering. A working definition is

A gathering of people held by an inspiring host. During the gathering they amuse one another and increase their knowledge through conversation.”

So the event is about everyone increasing their knowledge from wherever they are starting, in an interesting, engaging and (perhaps) amusing way. It’s about connecting people with ideas with people and seeing what flourishes. I’ve been a fan of this way of working for a while; I ran the London Bateson Salon with Nora Bateson sharing the work of her father Gregory Bateson in the early 2010s.

This third salon was about the relationship between dialogue and action. As the host, I decided not to simply wait till the start time before letting people into the Zoom room. Instead, being there first, I could use Judy Rees’ Magic Waiting Room activity to get people interacting from the start. As people began to arrive (from about 10 minutes before the advertised start) I welcomed them by name, posed a simple question (‘What drew you here today?’) and invited them into a room with three others to discuss it. Then the next people arrived and I repeated the process. I was fortunate to have Gervase Bushe on Zoom tech who was actually working the room setup!

About 130 people came and around 100 of them were welcomed by name and gathered into small groups. The rest arrived with just a couple of minutes to go so I had them say hello in the Zoom Chat. Then everyone came back and we started the main event by introducing the panel,  setting up the topic and inviting the panel to share their thoughts. It was a lively start, and I was very pleasantly surprised by how well everyone stayed engaged, hardly any drop-outs in the first hour of the 90 minute event. I would put this down in part to how we’d invited people to connect with others and they responded. You can see the salon, though not the warm-up, on Youtube.

In The Room

Back in the days of working In the Room with people, I also used to make sure to get there first. It’s so much better to make sure everything is set up and be able to welcome people personally. If there are questions, they can be answered. If there are concerns, they can be heard and allayed. Helping people into a room which is already prepared, buzzing with potential is such a better way to start than ‘Salvete discipuli’.

Dave Meier, one of my mentors in Accelerated Learning (whom I mentioned last week) had a saying about these kinds of processes;

“Don’t do for people what they can do for themselves or for each other”

 An example: you may be familiar with arriving at an event and having a prepared  name badge given to you. That’s good planning by the organisers for sure, and is one way of welcoming you by saying you were expected. But let’s look at it through the eyes of Dave Meier’s adage. Rather than have prepared name badges, could you invite people to make their own? Provide pens and blank badges, of course. And you could ask them to personalise them with an image of something they like, or which team they’re in, or even a passion or strength they enjoy. Getting people doing something early is a fine way to lead them into participation.

And go further – how could they do this for each other? Host small conversations about people’s roles, goals, hopes, strengths, interests, and then have them make a badge for their partner! Does this take a bit longer than dishing out prepared printed boring black and white texty badges. Yes, a bit. Is it worth it? Absolutely; it gets people working together, meeting someone new, sharing useful thoughts, supporting each other, looking forward to what’s to come, all in the first five minutes. And you can’t do it by arriving last.

And then get things moving. I enjoyed this recent video from Jan Keck on ‘the one sentence that kills your meetings’, particularly in online meetings:

“Let’s wait for everyone to arrive”

I have always said “Don’t penalise the ones who show up on time by waiting for the ones who don’t”. Waiting gives all the wrong signals; you lot (here) matter less than the others; I care more about them than about you; it’s OK to be late because you won’t miss anything. Watch Jan’s solution in his entertaining video.

What if you have to be last?

So is the King destined to be a hero because he arrives last? Fortunately, not. I don’t know about Charles, but his mother used to make a point of taking a very close and personal interest in how the space was set up for events like state banquets, who was coming, where were they sitting and next to whom, was everything up to scratch, visiting the state rooms beforehand and personally making sure all was as she wished.

In a more everyday setting such as a wedding, everyone knows that the bride is last to arrive – her walking down the aisle is a key moment in the day. But… after the ceremony, the bride and groom get out smartish and go directly to the reception, where they form a welcoming line and can be… first! They welcome everyone, say thank you for coming and have a personal moment with each guest.

We’ve seen that good leaders arrive first, for better engagement, careful preparation and connection and making sure everyone arrives with purpose and principle. Good leaders also eat last, in the words of Simon Sinek’s excellent book of that name. There’s more to be said about that from a Host Leadership perspective another time. If you’ve enjoyed this post please give it a ‘like’ below.

Dates and mates

I mentioned Judy Rees’ ‘Magic Waiting Room’ activity in this piece. You can get weekly updates from Judy about making online events more participative, active and inclusive from her website. I recommend it heartily.

I am running a rare four-week online course in Hosting Generative Change starting 21st March 2023 on Tuesdays 21 & 28 March, 4 & 11 April at 1pm-5pm UK time. The course will be highly interactive and is designed for OD people and anyone wanting to bring people together in organisational change work to get generative (new and interesting) results rather than same-old-same-old. This is a one-off, I’m working with an organisation who are old friends and they’re happy to admit outsiders to join in. Details here. Book now and join me.